I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
