i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
