Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my poor anus
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
