where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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