Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love black thongs
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
