Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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