Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize