I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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