You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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