dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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