I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
