There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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