Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
