i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
