I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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