We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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