someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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