Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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