so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize