well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
