mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
