Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
