On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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