If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
