I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
