I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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