We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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