hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
