shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
