I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
