it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize