In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
