she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
