we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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