I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
