im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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