We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
