is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize