3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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