News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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