Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
