i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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