this just has baby written all over it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
