just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
