I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
