Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
