Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
