No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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