just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
