I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
