Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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