Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
