a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
