Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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