If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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