I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
