I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So vagazzling was a success
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
