Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
