He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
