i just had sex bonerless
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
