I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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