So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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