hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am one with the molecules
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
