I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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