ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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