I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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