Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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