i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
