I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
