Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
