I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
