Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
