So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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