I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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