So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this boner is exhausting
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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