meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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